the career move that never happened

reflections on version of self that didn't survive

A couple of years ago, I was seriously considering switching from product design to product management. I had good reasons. I wanted to influence more of what got built. I wanted to grow into a generalist but constantly felt boxed in by the scope of design. So the PM role felt like the natural next step. It aligned with what I enjoyed doing and what I was good at.

So, I got to work. I started with an ambitious roadmap and then broke it down into achievable steps.

I collected books, podcasts, courses, workshops, meetups, you name it. I even joined an online business school to push myself outside my comfort zone. But most importantly, I found a mentor at work who let me shadow his process, gave me feedback on my work and answered every dumb question I had.

Eventually, I started writing small PRDs at my day job. I teamed up more closely with other PMs, engineers, and folks across data, marketing, and sales. I asked for more responsibility and made it known that I was keen to make the switch when the opportunity showed up… and it was working! I got to contribute and ship a bunch of small features as a PM+designer. For a while, it really felt like I was getting closer.

But the transition never fully happened for a multitude of reasons. The timing didn’t work in my favor either. I pushed until I couldn’t anymore. And when I stopped, I was right back where I started.

There's a particular kind of loneliness in almost changing your life and staying exactly where you are. There's a version of you that almost existed until it didn't.

This is one of many versions of me that didn’t survive. I think about them often, sometimes with regret and other times with hope. No book or podcast taught me how to deal with it like lived experience did.

As for the conclusion, I learned a lot of skills throughout this journey that I use in my day-to-day as a product designer. It made my foundation as a product-thinker stronger and I continue to build those instincts whenever I get a chance. I also made a friend for life, the PM whom I shadowed is my partner in many side projects. It was not all a waste.

I have made peace with who I am becoming and who I almost became.